haps 8

summer is a week from being over.. well summer hols at least.. and it's just starting to sink in.. it's been such an awesome summer that i just don't want it to end.. i just dint want time to go this fast as it has..

we had Cutting Edge Leader's Advance at Waihola and it was p good.. but i kinda felt a bit emotional and tired for half of it unfortunately.. it was a combination of factors i guess.. firstly, well before then i was trying to finalize my course for my final year and i dint quite get it done coz i had so many timetable clashes.. darn PHAL 305 with morning labs!!! so i've decided to switch it with PHAL 306 - Tox paper - and that would enable me to do my Genetics minor.. i guess in a way, God was speaking to Prof Kevin Farnden at the Biochem table coz he told me to think abt it over the weekend when i talked to him abt my papers clash.. it was quite emotionally draining although i did cope alright.. but it's prob something i wouldn't want to go through again.. oh well, i know what i need to do on Monday so fingers crossed it should be done by Monday night!

secondly, it's most likely to be my final year and to be fair that's quite frightening.. started having doubts abt whether this is what i really want to do.. i read Sam's blog and well i kinda feel the same thing.. sometimes i wished i could have done journalism or design, coz i like writing abt sports and designing stuff.. but i think i prob dint have the right creativity.. and plus i've found that i quite like the science stuff.. in the last few years, it has panned out what i enjoy doing and hopefully it'll reveal itself more this year..

finally, it's just starting to sink in that a lot of Cutting Edgers that i've gotten so used to seeing for the last 3 years are just no longer there, and that fact was made in bold this weekend.. and being in the mood i was on Friday, i could feel it a bit more.. a year ago, there was a sense of comfort and familiarity seeing Sam, Matt, Dave Pom, Jess and Rach.. i'm v glad Mike Reeves and Willis were at Waihola this weekend, and of coz there's always Justin, Dan and JB.. at least i can still talk to them.. but it's kinda like your circle of really close friends has suddenly gotten significantly smaller.. and u kinda feel a bit more insecure and lost.. i can always make new friends, and i have, but close friends are always the hardest to find.. or rather they just take much longer than "just" friends..

that's why i'm glad Pastor Mike's message was just right this afternoon.. after that felt a whole lot better, whole lot more positive, coz while i did do a lot of things with the other guys, e.g. pool, Monopoly, force-back, soccer, foosball, inside i was kinda depressed.. the word of the weekend was emotional, and at times i just felt like i wanted to cry coz i thought i'd feel better..

oh well, better times ahead.. i'll get better.. btw i'm now under Jared Lynn's LG along with Jian, Shannon, Pierre, Phil, and JB..