granny report

Well it's been 24 hours since I arrived in Malaysia. My grandma is still in hospital at the moment but fingers crossed - and really crossed coz we've had an aborted attempt last Saturday - she might be discharged and be able to return home where she'll be taken care of by a nurse 24/7 and a maid. She's probably never been in a worse condition until now which is not at all surprising, although she does show some signs of vitality. Unfortunately, she probably will have to be fed through a drip from now on because the stroke probably took away her ability to swallow - she had a struggle trying to swallow her medication in the morning, and some of that might be attributed to the awful taste of most of the medication especially when made wet so that it's easier for her to swallow.

The stroke also means the right side of her brain is p much shut down - her right eye is usually shut although she has managed to open it at times. She tends to look at the right side of the bed so if you want to talk to her or get her attention, you have to stand on her right, otherwise you might as well not be there. She is still very responsive when she can be, but not surprisingly, she drifts in and out.

How do I feel? Actually, I have to say I'm quite positive, joyful in fact at times. I guess firstly I'm pleased to be "home" in Malaysia and with family. Secondly, with us having to visit the hospital each day for now, the family is usually together so it's quite a nice, unified feeling. Last night, I went straight to the hospital to visit her after arriving in Kuala Lumpur, but I was glad I did it as in the build-up towards coming here, I was quite nervous and tense, mostly worried about my grandma's (i'll call her mama from now on) health i think. So to come back, and see for myself what her condition was like prob ended those nerves. And I find myself now trying to get as much time with her as I can while she's still around - chances are not that great she'll be around for too much longer, don't know when, might be while I'm in Europe or it could be in days, it's just one of those things that only God knows - which I actually quite enjoy.

I think it's because I am quite close to mama. Until I moved to New Zealand in 2003, I lived with her for all my childhood. She raised me and my brothers and cousins - my cousin who is about 30 and is now a litigator in Sydney is back and she's been spending the last two nights by mama's bedside. The last couple of years have been hard on mama with me and my brothers going to New Zealand - and the other cousins were already in Australia - she had been suffering rheumatoid arthritis for a while and had been taking steroids for it. The last year has prob been the most difficult for her. When she was healthy she is one of those grandparents who might be dating people if they were single, or surfing the big Jaws surf in Hawaii. She was quite an active and bubbly person, until last year when she suffered a stroke and that really changed her beyond recognition physically if not so her character which I believe is still as strong as it was but as the saying goes, the mind is strong but the body is weak.

Anyway, I'll be in Malaysia till the evening of September 22 when I finally begin my big overseas tour in London. At the moment I will go ahead coz that's all I can do having paid and booked tickets. Furthermore, the goal of spending these impromptu 2 weeks in Malaysia was to at least see my grandma while she was still alive, while I could hold her hand, while I could talk to her face to face. It's all in God's hands now when her time will come, and just have to take it a day at the time. My mum said something which was quite profound - a funeral only serves the living. I think there was more to it but the gist is that it's more important to at least see her while she is alive and not regret spending enough time when she was just about around. But whatever happens, I'll be prepared for the funeral..

Anyway, time for some positive news I guess. It's tropical hot here which is good after coming straight from Dunedin winter - actually have never travelled back to Malaysia straight from a winter since I moved to NZ. Me and my brothers went to our favourite Indian barbershop (should take you there, Dan when you're here) and paid only RM39 for all our haircuts (that's about 17NZD, great eh). Also still keeping v much in touch with the events happening in France with the rugby although bar South Africa v Samoa there haven't been many big big games yet although that will come next Saturday/Sunday. I'm also putting my French together and will soon be cracking on some German. Finally, facebook is awesome!