spiritual wars

for the first time in my life, i experienced "spiritual" crying.. i had a v rough morning.. i just had the most awful dream involving Sam, Dan, Matt, Louise and many others.. Dan was like pissed at me for not knowing the countries that will bring the end-times.. Matt and Sam soon followed and i woke up with the adrenaline pumping inside me.. kinda similar to the Daniel Vettori shouting incident but this time i ended up driving my car from my garage to the side of the road - like a sane person, except there was nothing sane at that moment abt what i was doing..prob fear of being snowed down i guess.. it was 7.00 am and it was still dark..

i don't really know what caused this recent bout of sleep restlessness... going to see a specialist abt it.. i'm definitely not stressed out.. or should i say stressed in a negative way abt the exams.. in fact i'm p relaxed abt it.. maybe it was the disappointment of not going on missions and the anxiety over the end of the year.. and many more.. i have listed many situations which may have caused the recent stress:

1. Missing David Pomeroy
2. Missing a lot of familiar people last Sunday
3. Need of Kiwi girl companion
4. Stuck in boring Dunedin
5. Missions trip
6. Missing a lot of familiar people from lectures
7. Missing a lot of familiar people from lectures last year
8. Prospect of missing Sam
9. Missing Bing
10.Missing Becs

and so and so forth.. so after waking up at 11, feeling like i wish i hadn't, i went to have lunch with the rest of life group.. i just felt really poor that morning.. the dream felt so real.. there was death involved even.. but i woke up to find it was all a dream.. anyway, the guys prayed for me later.. and then we had 1 pm prayer after that and all the guys prayed really hard and called on the Holy Spirit.. got some awesome words from Jared Lynn, Peter, Jian, Matt, Mike Reeves - thanks guys.. i can't remember all exactly but they were really powerful and strong words and i feel much better now.. words abt committing everything to God, waiting on Him, and hearing prophesies.. the best was prob Jian's abt God's big plan for the summer whether it's missions or not which was really awesome.. when i was in the middle with hands being laid on me, i just started crying.. i was feeling low and had to let it out but the Holy Spirit was definitely working in me.. Psalm 84, Phillipians 9:6-10..

so i have ended the day on a high.. except have got to see specialist tomorrow under mum's orders.. a condition which has prob been around for 3 years.. managed to get my own rugby ball which also made my day..